And I let myself fall.
I dropped like a stone into the deepest of seas.
The icy cold water met my skin in a desperate embrace.
I felt the air crashed out of my lungs.
I continued falling, sinking into the depths of my own desperation.
And the deeper I went, the better I felt.
No longer did I feel the slipery hands of those that haunted the surface, my mind got the rest it had been craving for.
Those with false intentions could not reach me any more. I was safe at last.

I opened my eyes, that had been tightly shut in some unrealistic effort to keep enemies out.
I started swiming down, my mind sliding effortlessly into oblivion, while beyond the surface my body slept.

It was a long time untill my body walked the earth again, but when it did, it was powered by a soul as big as an ocean.

My school is for pigs with money ~~

Okkkk.
What I'm going to talk about today is... my shitty school life!
Yep. That's it.
And why is it so bad? Well, to put things in a simple and understandable way... I'm at a level that is too high for me, so I've been failing miserably for the last... six or so months.
Actually, if you look at the situation a bit closer, you'll find that it's not so much the level of the contenents that is too high, but it's more like the time you have to study each one of them is too little... specially if you are not particularly good at science (like me). All this is due to the school's pathetic way of organising things.

I hate school ^^ Maybe tomorrow I'll get up like every other morning ( at seven a.m.) to discover it no longer exists. Yeah, that would be nice...

If I had any followers I would ask them to invent some creative ways of not going to school, or blowing it up or something (when it's empty, mind you, I hate the school, and only half of the people in it for Paw's sake).

I was just floating in the past for a while before, thinking about all the people I have talked to in the past four or so years. I don't mean just anyone, but people that I started talking to over the Internet. They were all very different from each other, and very different from me too. I don't think I really managed to actually ever understand any of them very well because I'm only talking to one of them right now. Strangely enough she is one of my best friends, and lives quite far away.

I am quite sure you can only fully understand someone when you have lived something similar to what they have, so finding someone you can get along with is actually quite dificult, whether it's via Internet or in our old plane real life.

Oh and this entry has no real objective or point (can't think of the word) whatsoever.
Just... random junk thoughts.



And, as always, please ignore my desastrous grammar, I'm to tired to revise.

Some random piece of writing.

Night has come to me again with its silent curtain of darkness.

But the relaxing blackness that covers the sky does nothing to calm my inner qualms except-

perhaps, they are dyed into a more bluish color that underlines my hardly bohemian lifestyle.

I have nothing to say for myself, for I know not who I am. My being is torn between two ways of existence that think the same but act differently. I am ignorant of the one that really is me, I don’t even know If I have a word in this foul play that life has forced me into.

Can’t I be both then? To evade the pain of being torn, or plunged into waters where I don’t belong. Is there no way of achieving the self respect I so much long for from myself?

Not for now.

So here I will remain, like a strange twisted tree that has been struck by lightning one too many times, waiting for a chance to spread new roots, and to grow new leaves.

Sure to be edited some time.

As far as I remember it hasn't been long since I last wrote something... although I can't rememer what it was, and I'm not going to look so it doesn't influence what I'm writing now.

What I want to write about today, is the pleasure of being able to study and practice your interests to your heart's desire. It's something that we can really rarely do, because most of the work we do at school is so far away from us, so abstract, so distant to our lives, and tought in such a way that it ends up being lost somewhere at the back of our minds.

So this leaves me at the door of a certain mental... paradox maybe? that has been ruling my mind for a very long time. And that is... the current spanish educational system.

I just think it's so very limited. It's poisoned by ideas that have nothing to do with what real education is and it limits the student greatly.

We study subjects we have no interest in for years and years until we are finally allowed to drop them. This is supposed to give us a chance to realise what the subject is about in depth, and if there exists the possibility of us taking a liking to it, but of course, it goes on for much too long, and it's ended up making me commit an involuntary mental suicide. I just despise school in general now.

Another thing that's very annoying is how it's always a top priority to do hundereds of exams before making sure that everybody is actually able to understand the classes themselves.
And of course if you fail something, it's your problem and yours alone.

My list goes on and on and on till the end of time and space and I just wrote this because i was a bit bored and in need to get back at my school for constantly bombarding my days with too many exams to study while living a decent life at the same time.

My greatest complaint is that, we are not teached so we can learn, our so called teachers only recite what we are supposed to know so we can memorize and spit it out at some other point of the year.

Where am I?

They are so beautiful. - I thought, as I strolled along the narrow pathway that led along the meadow. The high grass that surrounded me was bright yellow in color, a comforting sight for all the lonely spirits that passed them. Today it was only me. It came to an end, changing it’s color to the dark green of the bushes that where the beginning of an impressively big forest.

The landscape around me kept on changing and becoming wilder as the path took me further in and into the depths of my leafy paradise.

It is said that once you go in to such a place you never get out again.

I think my real self was born into that world, and right now I’m somewhere completely different.

Decide for yourself what this is

I am rewriting this because I just accidentally erased everything I had written.

I have just realised I have been turning slowly into another of those smiling faking idiots that are so common in society. It has scared me so much I don't even know what to do with myself.
I have been decieved by my own idea of what being strong is supposed to mean, and in order to make people like me and be happy around me I have stabbed myself in the back. I have had to tolearate my friends being nicer to someone who has been pretty nasty to me that they actually are sometimes to me. I have created the illusion for them that I am stupid (which I'm not, but that doesn't make me specially intelligent either) and that I don't care much about my school life. I smile and laugh when I just want to be left alone, and I don't even know how I manage it... .
Also, the determination to remain my original self, standing proud of everything I think and am has been severely damaged by a constant effort I didn't really realise I was making to be liked and accepted by other people.

There are many other things, I would rather not go into, that keep the sleep away from me at night.

I only hope I'll be able to go back on my footsteps, so that maybe that way I'll be able to become whatever is left of what I first aimed to be.